“You had to be Danish….”

Personally, nothing gives me greater pleasure than when someone who has just been banged to rights replies “it was Danish humour.”

I will tell you what Danish humour is not. Danish humour is not license to say whatever you want. Danish humour is not a Get Out of Jail Free Card.

Culturally, what is considered “Danish humour” is the use of teasing amongst friends. There is also a bit of sarcasm and exaggerated regional stereotypes that count toward the genre. Danish humour can be quite dark, finding humour in adversity or misfortune. Many countries have similar veins of humour.

But who knows that? Danish people?

People in other countries cause offence all the time. Sometimes (usually?) they do not see what all the fuss is about and make the famous non-apology “I AM SORRY BITCHES CANNOT TAKE A JOKE!”

If a Danish person shits the bed, for example causing a major international diplomatic incident or damaging the reputation of a company or simply insulting someone socially; they can claim language barrier and/or humour barrier.

Hardly anyone speaks Danish outside of Denmark, so why not? Why not say that the translation was dodgy? How would anyone know? Very few are familiar with what tickles Danes, so why not? How can anyone prove it was not just a joke without any negative intent?

These two excuses make me happy. Because I do understand Danish and I do understand what counts as Danish humour.

“The translation is wrong,” translates to “I didn’t expect what I said would be translated,” and “It was Danish humour,” translates to “I have no way of defending what I said, so I must resort to lying.”

Which means the discussion is over and they lost.

Danish Mainstream Culture is Quite Racist


I mean, I can think of a lot of examples which highlight that Danish mainstream culture is quite racist and have written about them at length.

So, let’s have a heated debate. Do you readers out there think that Denmark is quite racist in the mainstream? Or is it just little pockets? Can one say “It’s not racism in this country to do x”, if anyone has been offended by it? Is it just individuals making mistakes and not indicative of the culture as a whole?

Strictly no derailments!

Examples include personal attacks and the following:-

1) America/the UK/every other country is the same/worse

2) That’s not racist! You’re overly sensitive/can’t take a joke.

3) Shut up and go home.

Like my main man Lao Tzu says:-

“A great nation is like a great man:
When he makes a mistake, he realizes it.
Having realized it, he admits it.
Having admitted it, he corrects it.
He considers those who point out his faults
as his most benevolent teachers.
He thinks of his enemy
as the shadow that he himself casts.”

If someone is telling you that you have shat the bed, you probably don’t say

1) Other people (e.g. babies) shit in their beds all the time

2) I was joking when I shat the bed/it’s my culture to defecate here

3) Get out of my bedroom if you don’t like shitty beds!

But rather: please tell me more about developing my voluntary nocturnal anal continence.

Let’s do that here. (But for racism and not recumbent bowel evacuation. )

News Translation: Mads Christensen Interview

Now the English speaking world has started to become aware of what Mads Christensen said. Great.

The point wasn’t that his stupid “jokes” were damaging or offensive or injurious. Just that Dell were stupid as hell for booking him and mega-cowardly for not turning off the mike when he started his schtick.

Unfortunately, people have come out in support of him with “He’s just the Danish Stephen Colbert!” OMG, I fucking wish. He is more like the Danish… who was the last American to say “some black people do look like monkeys” again? He’s the Danish version of that. Omar Marzouk is Denmark’s closest equivalent to Colbert, in that he says edgy things to get people to think.

Christensen is not even Denmark’s equivalent of Sasha Baron Cohen. My boy Sasha is MOCKING the people who humour him. He is making fun of narrow minded and priggish attitudes. Mads Christensen is glorifying them. If you take a look at this interview, you can see where he manages to dig himself a lot deeper in an attempt to apologise. No one was in any doubt that he was trying to joke, it’s just that what he said wasn’t that funny and didn’t work on any level.

This was written in the tech magazine Comon, and as far as I know, is the only public comment Christensen has given (though it’s possible he gave more interviews). More to come, eh, Mads! Eh? Eh?

Women have to shut up. Children should have weapons. And we should screw unconscious bitches. 

“Blaggard” Mads Christensen apologised for his controversial contribution to the Dell conference. “It is satire and humour, don’t take me seriously.”

By Kasper Villum Jensen

 18th April 2012

Mads Christen has cast the computer company Dell in an unfortunate light by recommending that the branch’s men teach their little boys to say “shut your face, bitch” at a conference yesterday.

At the same occasion, the 800 male (and 40 female), participants were urged to keep the IT-industry free of women because according to Mads Christensen, it’s the last bastion that his gender has left.

The words stood in very poor contrast to the growing work done to encourage more women to choose the IT-industry. Both Mads Christensen and Dell are apologising now for how his show was received.

“I’m awfully sorry if anyone took my words too seriously. I bear no ill will for anyone and especially not women. So, I’m sorry if Dell is going to get badwill because of this. These were not their words.”

He is also annoyed that the sentence has been translated to “shut the fuck up, bitch,” in an English post which made the sentence “shut your face, bitch” seem a lot sharper than it was intended.

Give weapons to 10 year olds

“If someone is looking for a fight and takes one sentence out of  15 minutes without looking at the context or the mood of the room, you could imagine that I am a psychopath.”

“When I use the expression “shut your face, bitch”, it came out of a piece that, in my opinion, is dripping with satire and humour. In my opinion, this is a piece of standup comedy,” said Mads Christensen and added that he also got a lot of positive feedback on his presentation and never has before received criticism for similar shows.

“I used some very caricatured and massively overdriven images. I started talking about Cro-Magnon man. About how things were in the right order in those days and that men could bash their woman in the head and screw her while she was unconscious. I really hope no one takes that seriously. It’s a caricature.

“I also talked yesterday about inventions, when I said all the good inventions were by men. For example, aquaducts, the alphabet, telegraphs, light bulbs, Sony Playstation and the anthracite-coloured alloy wheels. When I named the Playstation and anthracite-coloured alloy wheels in that connection, I thought it was very obvious it was a joke. I know well enough that it wasn’t the world’s best joke. I recognise that now.”

Q:Have you yourself taught your son to say “shut your face, bitch”?

“What I said yesterday was that you should do your son a favour and give him a moped for his 10th birthday. So, I continued to say that he should also get an indoor rifle when he’s 10. Obviously he shouldn’t. It speaks for itself.
“The third thing I said was that you should teach him to say “shut up bitch”. Of course he can’t run around the whole time saying that but only when it is necessary for him to stick his heels in and believe me, his future wife will thank me for that,” said Mads Christensen with regards to his favourite topic of current men that in his view have run themselves into a siding.   

I kick men in the pants

“It’s now been suggested that I am a male chauvinist, a sexist and that I want women back in the kitchen but if you hear the story to the end, you see it’s about a loser. This is a man who got a clip around the ear.”

He thinks that all the trends and signs point to women storming ahead and men being on the way to the coal cellar and he gives that development and its reasons a comic treatment.

Q: But you don’t think your sort of presentation negatively shapes the debate?

“I think that to a great degree, I break the stereotypes and try to illuminate them with a smile, so we can smile a little bit at them and smile a bit at each other. I think we need that. So, in my own light-hearted way, I believe I have done the debate a favour.

“I was hired by Dell to keep the momentum, after Michael Dell left the stage. They were perhaps afraid that the energy would leave the room, and so I was hired to come with a cheeky contribution. But if you’re not into my style, so I bring a lot of firewood to the bonfire. I know that. But it was also a humorous attempt to keep the momentum.

“I know that “Rytteriet” was there later in the evening and talked about that there should be more au pairs in the IT industry so there would be more to screw. That’s not anything anyone should take seriously either because we know it’s satire. Maybe it’s because I don’t wear a costume that people think I’m being serious.”