Living above a drug dealing scumbag loser who plays music way too loud got too much for me and I made plans to move in with my boyfriend in a flat above a shop. Meanwhile, my local council was in the middle of a “hearing” process about which schools to close in my town. The process was incredibly corrupt/incompetent/both. Which all now makes sense in the light of the evidence that they were covering for a mayor with drug addiction problems at the time. If you can cover for a mayor who is showing up high, when he is showing up at all, then you can also decide not to close schools which “coincidentally” your child attends or send people to measure buildings up for sale before the vote to close them or fudge the figures about how much money could be saved or blah blah blah. (The list goes on but those are the only things I’m rock solid on.)
Denmark has not got the lowest corruption in the world, it has the lowest perceived corruption in the world. It’s a shared hallucination. Denmark’s levels of corruption are the same as everywhere. Not as bad as North Korea but still.
Meanwhile, I failed my driving test for not being able to get into fifth gear (fair deuce, eh?)
Meanwhile, I got a positive result on the test taken to see if the treatment for pre-cancerous cells had been successful the year before. Pro Tip: positive in this context means “NO, the operation was NOT successful, you need another operation.”
It was about this time that I shut down this blog, intending it to be permanent.
I had read something on the internet that did not agree with me. Basically, a bunch of people I know well and people I do not know very well, discussing *me* based on what I write here. Now, some people are not into my blog. They were dissing *me* based on what they had gleaned from my writing. And my friends, though I use the term loosely, were not really going to bat for me. They were being very diplomatic, there was no bad mouthing from them. But their reactions made me think “Well, FUCK YOU very much!” all the same.
I was used to fuckwits taking me the wrong way but people who claimed to be my friends? I did NOT need the stress.
I moved house and turned 31. Meanwhile, I started to get anxiety attack symptoms. I remember leaving the house, with a numb left hand side of my face and pins and needles down my left arm, to go have a painful test done at the doctor’s. And I thought “Ok, so once the test is over, then I only have to worry about my job situation and my driving test.”
After the doctors (which was not painful at all, the doctor refused to run it because the positive result had been a false positive), walking back to the train station to go home, my boyfriend rang. He was away with work, on exercise for the week, and he said “I might have to go to war in August.”
I reopened the blog because of the abuse of Amy Rebecca Steen. I could see that Denmark was going to get away with its shit YET AGAIN because of the Danish language.
The council voted to close the school I was working at.
My boyfriend was confirmed as being deployed in the summer. He went on a lot of training missions starting from then.
I decided that whatever happened, I was not going to work at the new school being opened to replace my old school. The main problem, as I saw it, was that I was opening myself to another couple of years of xenophobic/racist treatment. The children in the groups I do not personally teach typically gave me a hard time until about Christmas (by which time, I had usually done a substitute teacher lesson and they realised they were pissing into the wind by mistreating me). In a school with seven or eight classes of three year groups, chances are some children would never wake up to the error of their ways.
Also, some of the adults at my school had also displayed similar patterns of behaviour until about two years in. A few of them continued to do so after four and a half years. Who has the energy to deal with that shit if there is a choice? (and obviously, a few of those interactions were not xenophobia/racism but adults with issues acting like vinegar-dicks. But again, who has the energy to work with unprofessional cock-knockers whom you mistake for racists?)
I applied for a job that was not in teaching (but related to it) and I was almost certain I was going to get it and then I didn’t and I was a bit miffed about it.
I can’t remember much about May. It was probably fine.
Again. Can’t remember. It was probably fine.
Went on holiday with my boyfriend, we had a great time. He left to go to war at the end of the month.
Was very sad when he left.
Had an ectopic pregnancy. Got shouted at by a shit doctor. My boyfriend was flown out to me, to look after me, so he was there. Went to pieces.
Work were not very supportive and that is putting it mildly. Management were of the “do something so we can say we did it” school of leadership and despite a lot of people having absences for miscarriages like me, emergency health problems like me, long standing health problems like me, their children being sick not like me etc etc, they made a point of going after my absences because a couple of the kids/parents had basically said “If you know a member of staff is ill a lot, you really ought to make sure you cover her lessons properly” and they interpreted that as free rein to say in a meeting “since you cannot promise us you won’t be ill, we have to take your ninth class away from you” and then “We don’t care that you are coming to work sick, as long as you come to work” in another meeting. These were meetings that were to “help” me. They also employed some outside consultant to say that it “couldn’t be” dusty classrooms that was making my immune system flare up because there were no spiders’ webs and dust makes your face swell up if you are allergic. (Something my doctor laughed out loud about when he suggested that environmental pollution may be worsening my asthma, leading to repeated respiratory infections)
Saw a counsellor on the advice of the “prevention consultant”. She said that she thought my boss was disrespectful of me. I did not agree with her because it takes malice of forethought to be disrespectful, doesn’t it? Still. It was nice to have an outside opinion about how I was being treated.
Got used to my boyfriend being deployed.
Called to interview at another school. Did not want to leave because I love my kids. But they will be fine. They will be so fine. They are excellent students and they will just grow and grow. I felt guilty because I had become so attached to them and I wanted to see them through the year.
But I wanted to take the job because it solves a lot of my long standing problems. Not least, sorting out a job long term. I am super excited about it, it is going to be amazing.
My boyfriend came back for leave and left towards the end of the month.
Diagnosed with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis. Treated for insulin resistance (caused by/causing PCOS). Treated for asthma.
Had a lovely Christmas with my Mum in Fredericia.
So, hopefully, you can all see why I have not been blogging so much recently. There really is only so much cortisone to go around and if I am busy worrying that my boyfriend might die, that I might have to leave the country or being sad that I lost a baby; then I do not have enough for the “you’re generalising” “it IS you” “North Korea is worse” “why don’t you leave” schtick.
I am not a super villain (or hero for that matter), and if, as a general rule, my face is going numb and I cannot sometimes get on a train or a plane to visit friends because I am wigging out so hard (hyperthyroid symptoms??), then I do not particularly want to write a post and open myself up.
So, there you go.
I hope 2013 is a bit quieter. Though, what with my new job, commute, boyfriend coming back from war, moving house, new medical treatments and all that, I’m really not sure how it can be. Ahh well. Maybe 2014 will be quieter.