Hold your own Danish Party

Politiken newspaper breathlessly informs that British newspapers are giving tips on how to hold Danish style parties. Ahh, has Forbrydelsen made it to the UK already?

(Let’s all imagine the situation where a British newspaper informs its readers that another country has written articles praising a drama serial or explaining how to have a British-style celebration. Now relax. Your frown lines will become permanent otherwise.)

This is really how to host a Danish style party:-

Step one:- invite people. If you are going to do this more danico, you need to ask your guests about a month in advance. Since we are past the J-Day Event Horizon, you may need two months notice. Do not expect all your invitees to respond with “sorry, can’t make it,” which you may have expected to be basic courtesy.

Step two:- be ready for the time you said in the invitation. If you said 6pm, hoping your guests would arrive around half an hour after that, meaning you can faff around painting your nails or buggering up your prep at any point, prepare for a surprise! Make them take off their shoes so they are in party dresses and stockinged feet. Mwahahaha.

Step three:- Serve meat, potatoes, some veggies, beer and for god’s sake light some candles. Remain in the dining chairs until you and your guests are drunk. Turn the music up.

Step four:- Be ignored by one or more of your guests for at least a quarter of the evening if not the entire party. (They may ignore you because their phone is more interesting, they are shy or because they believe you will say nothing of interest whatsoever.)

Step five:- Turn the music up.

Step six:- Drink.

Step seven:- Start to shout. Now that people are looking up from their phones or their partners, suggested conversations:- summer houses, meat ball recipes, how crap other countries are during the “crisis”, how much you get paid, how much your rent is.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, avoid deep conversations. 

Step eight:- Serve chips/crisps. Pour alcohol into the glasses of those who are drinking soda or slowly.

Step nine:- Drink. Shout some more. Turn the music up.

Step ten:- Are you seeing double? Talking shit? Unsteady on your feet? Unable to think straight and keep track of your things? No? Repeat step nine. Yes? You are now ready to go to the bar.

14 thoughts on “Hold your own Danish Party

  1. Oh yes, I am waiting for the part where everyone rotates through to spend 3 minutes with me asking me the same questions: 1) How do you like living in Denmark, 2) How is your Danish?, 3) Our traditions here are so very special and unique, aren’t they? Have you learned the word “hyggeligt?” And then they move on and ignore me the rest of the evening. Fun times!

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    1. LOL! So tiring, isn’t it? Wait until you’ve been here for going on 3 years and your Danish is still crap. Good times!

      This post is brilliant :)

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  2. Agree with Heidi, and also suggest adding that your Danish guests will invariably ask “what’s this?” regarding your most basic culinary submissions; such as sweet potato, and follow that with “Is it Danish?” . . . . followed by not trying it.

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      1. OMG, I was at the in-laws’ this weekend and happened to open their refrigerator door. Was astonished to see, still unopened, the lovely decorative maple leaf bottle of maple syrup I bought for them NINE YEARS AGO!!!!!

        What. freaks. WTF? It’s maple syrup. Surely they could find some use for it, possibly to enliven those awful sticky potatoes for Christmas Eve?

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  3. lol,lol! This place leaves me phucking speechless (almost) Step 4 is one of the nasty ones, but if you invite them you can really experience it in real living colour…can feel the frown lines…!

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