Sorry I haven’t been blogging. Tis the season where foreigners like to turn on each other and I literally have no “overskud” to deal with it. Not that I’ve been at the centre of much drama this season (yet), though I have been peripheral to a lot already and it is only pigging October.
What gets me is that the same people that put me on their shoulders and laud me for “telling it how it is” and express gratitude that I vomit out such words as these for their reading pleasure are ready to shun me for bringing them down or being too negative for their tastes. Honestly, guys, make up your minds. If “I’m telling it like it is” in summer and spring, how am I causing you mental distress in autumn and winter? May I suggest it is not I who is causing you issues, it is THE COUNTRY YOU ARE LIVING IN. And as I benefit, as you do, from friendship, dropping me just for expressing views about this country (that you agreed with when the sun was shining), is a bit of a “dick move”.
There are a lot of people who are going to think I am talking specifically about them which goes to show how widespread this shit is. No, I am not talking about you. I am talking about y’all.
Anyway, when the spring comes, you are welcome to make contact and enjoy my company anew. No hard feelings or nuttin’. I just wanted you to hear that I am a real person with real feelings, not some anti-dk roboto. (NOTE TO SELF: Invent anti-dk roboto)
My solution, (just as theirs), is to make a nice little bubble where I don’t peek out and spoil the “hygge” I have “skabt”. So, this means I haven’t been reading nor watching the Danish news. There is no grist to my mill. So, no blogs to be written.
Mostly, though, incredibly, things are okay with me. Yes, my boyfriend is in Helmand, Afghanistan doing a dangerous (and somewhat pointless and probably illegal), job. Yes, my job is disappearing and I have to find a new one here or leave the country and lose the boyfriend I will have been waiting for six months for because he will not come with me. Yes, I tried to get pregnant but the embryo got stuck in my tube, threatened my life, died and then was not acknowledged as a pregnancy at all because the embryo was crap and was not producing enough hormones to show up in my wee (which buggers up the possibilities of getting grief counselling). Yes, work asked me to do extra lessons to make up for the time I missed through this medical emergency and other illnesses and then changed their mind and tried to take a class off me entirely and then finally came up with the compromise of having a backup teacher in case I was ill again and are now finally leaving me alone. Yes, the “expert” that came in to assess the levels of mercury after a major spill a couple of years ago said that “I’m not a chemical engineer but I expect it has evaporated by now” and then printed out the first google hit about the “half life in blood is 3 days”. (Yes, the half life IN BLOOD is three days, the mercury isn’t all pissed out, though, it goes from your blood to your internal organs, where it stays and that says nothing about the half life of mercury in a room which is swept with the same contaminated broom every three days) and then refused to even try to measure the levels in the classroom. Yes, I’m ill every five weeks for a week. Yes, I live in a country which I have great difficulties feeling welcome. Yes, the loneliness of my situation crushes me. Yes, every single part of my life has high levels of bullshit attached to it.
But it’s not all bad, is it?
I have actually been feeling pretty cheery. Some good stuff has been happening. I am learning to make socks. Work asked me to give a small talk about my teaching to the other teachers and it went well. My fitness is increasing. My weight is decreasing. My fertility is normal. My doctor is really good and is going to treat my asthma, to see if untreated asthma is why I am so ill all the time. My lessons are going great. I have been keeping myself entertained. I have planned a lot of social arrangements. My boyfriend comes back on R&R in a few weeks.
I have been keeping my head above water with a combination of exercise, meditation, “good” bacteria pills (shown to be mood altering in some studies) and, as I have already said, avoiding the Danish news.
Life is actually okay. I am feeling good and, dare I say it?, happy. Okay, that’s enough peeking out of my bubble to talk to you, I’m going for a swim.