Do not ask me what I think

Oooooooh DENMARK~

You can tell a lot about a country from its language schools. The things I thought I would be learning at language school included

  • pronunciation
  • survival phrases
  • small talk
  • eating out, shopping and being a sightseer
  • job vocabulary

What I am actually being taught is

  • grammar
  • how to watch the news
  • how to analyse statistics
  • how to argue about some bollocks I know nothing about

I think it says a lot more about them than me that they are basically re-running my English GCSE (hey, foreigners, GCSEs are exams 16 year olds take in my country). I think it says *a lot* that they think they need to show me how to critically analyse anything while they allow me to sink or swim with all the other stuff (for example, how DOES one get through an entire meal in Danish?)

The bollocks my school wanted me to discuss this week happens to be education. Oh, really. How I chuckled. One exercise is discussing advantages and disadvantages of certain modes of learning. Then it only goes and asks me what I think about the Danish education system. Oh how I laughed.

They cannot deport me if I am fair, right?

I also have to discuss something that is in the news. I chose the Conservatives having to climb down from their “IMMIGRANT WOMEN NEED US TO PROTECT THEM FROM CERTAIN CLOTHING CHOICES” headline grab because, ho ho ho, it is un-fucking-constitutional.

Remember when that argument raged on a certain message board I do not use anymore? Well, not one of the “BUT DENMARK IS DELIGHTFUL!! (so stop saying it has its faults)” brigade pointed out that the law would not stand up because it is against human rights and the constitution. If they had said that then surely I would have seen their point about the delightfulness of such a country.

I am working on the basis that they would not ask some indvandrer to comment on the news if they did not expect her to say something along the lines of “HAHA! UNCONSTITUTIONAL! HAHAHAHHA!” In fact, I think what I said was fair:

Jeg synes at de er ligeglad om kvinde og kvinderettigheder. Jeg synes at de ønskede mere overskrifter og publicity.”

(To the English readers out there: I think they are not bothered about women and women’s rights. I think they wanted more headlines and publicity”)

I also did a listening exercise but it is from Mid/vest Jutland and I have no clue what they are saying. It is too fast, too clicky and too different. Give me some Copenhagenish and I have a chance because that’s the one we hear on tapes. Give me some from my town and I have a chance because I hear it every day.

Meanwhile, when am I practising my pronunciation? There are online webconference things but they are planned at times when I am working which is why I am on the online system in the first place. One of my students got me to read from a book and she said that I read well but I think she has just got to the age where she is willing to lie to spare feelings. I was showing her that I understand what I am reading even if I cannot pronounce it. She said I sounded like Princess Mary. Bless her.

I just sound foreign and it wears me out to think that I am going to have to pronounce like a native just to be understood. What ever happened to being met half way? What ever happened to the person on the other end of the conversation actively trying to make sense of what the foreigner is inexpertly expressing? Who says it is okay to shut someone down with “WHAT SHE SAYING?” in whatever language?

I think it is amusing that they are asking me for my opinions and I am thinking “what, really? Promise you won’t get mad?”

Kan I ik’ slap AF mand?

Det er kendes godt at jeg er en reasonable kvinde. Også, det er common knowledge at jeg er ganske klog. Det er ikke uhøflig at siger hvis det er sandt. “En flytning krydser sit spor” er en SATIRE, Danmark.

Jeg kom til Danmark et år siden. Før kom jeg, lærte jeg dansk kun fra en bog. ÉN BOG! Med en lille cd men kan I godt forstå at det er ikke de sammen end være gift med en Dane.

Jeg kom og jeg arbejdede som en lærer. Lærer arbejde for mange timer. Alle sammen kender det godt.

Så. Jeg er travlt. Jeg er ugift, særlig ikke med en Dane. Jeg blevet her ET år. Kan I ikke bliver bare rollig og venlig venter til jeg bliver fluent?

Hvad er de stor hurry, alligevel? Det er rigtig dejlig da kan I høre ny indvandrer manglebræt deres vokaler. Det er rigtig sød da kan I hjælpe en indvandre som prøver at kommunicate.

Pas på, Danmark. Jeg kan jer godt forstå, selvom jeg laver fejl da jeg taler eller skriver. Og jeg dømmer jer om, hvordan du behandler mig.

En Et-År Gammel Indvandrer.

To my English only friends, this is not relevant to your interests. Suffice to say, I am just gearing myself up to helping rude, impatient people become better at being humans.